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Thursday, July 14, 2011

Coming Out of Hiding

So, I've been in hiding for a few days (weeks?) because I was too utterly ashamed of myself to write. Somehow, between moving into a new apartment and starting my new job I put on 7lbs! 7 whole, fucking lbs!!! I wanted to kill myself. Thankfully, I've finally lost all 7lbs, plus another 1.5. I'm now in the 150s. Yay!

Basically, I've determined that it's damn near impossible to purge at work. And since most days they serve us super-fattening, carb-loaded, swimming-in-grease excuses for meals there's no way I can possibly eat there. Luckily, my training is pretty much over now so I don't have to take a break with my training buddy. No one seems to notice/care that I sit in the corner reading a book during my lunch break. It's just hard sometimes to get through an 8-hour shift on an empty stomach. I'm usually STARVING by the time I get off work.

I've been purging, even when my roommate's home, because I just don't care. Either he doesn't hear it or he just hasn't mentioned it. I'm starting to think that purging really isn't that big of a deal. It's just a way for me to eat as much food as I want and not have to worry about gaining weight. Really, what's so bad about that? I'm still fat, so it's not like I've reached the point where I'm starving to death. Once I reach my goal weight, I'll stop (yeah, right).

Anyhoo, now that I'm back on the right track I should be updating more frequently. :)

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