Today was a total waste, I'd already gone and fucked it up by 11am. When I weighed myself this morning I was down to 162lbs and, without even thinking, ate four pieces of leftover pizza (two days old now) and drank two malt liquors. Not only did this make me feel like some sort of shady person with a drinking problem, I also felt disgusted with all that greasy poison swimming around in my stomach. And yet, I couldn't bring myself to purge. My roommate was at work all day, so I had hours of opportunities and I didn't take any of them.
It's nearly 8pm and I'm starving, but I can't eat anything because A) my roommate is now home so I wouldn't be able to purge it, and B) I just weighed myself and the pizza and alcohol have made me shoot up to 165lbs. I'm so depressed that I'm drinking a beer (102cals). I feel depressed in general, not just about being a gross, disgusting, uncontrollable fat-ass. I have a strong urge to runaway but I have no idea where. I just want to escape my life right now.
Here is my plan for tomorrow (and this time I'm STICKING TO IT!): 1cup raw spinach (7cals), three cucumber slices (2cals), and maybe some carrot slices (8cals). NO DRESSING. And water to drink. Depending on how tired I am when I got home from work, I may have a steamer bag of broccoli (120cals). Regardless, I am not having ANYTHING else at work, I don't care how mouth-watering it looks. I need to stop screwing around if I want to reach my goal weight by the end of the year.
Here's hoping tomorrow's much more of a success than today was!